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Her partner is a recovering sex addict who ogles women.She wrote:“His comment to me about three seconds was that he rarely if ever looks that long because he wants to avoid discovery.If you are the partner of such a man you will know that it is crazy making.There are a million ways for a man to brush aside your concern and make you feel that you are overreacting. I have worked with many sex addicts and their partners for whom ogling is a serious problem.For some sex addicts looking at women in a sexual way is part of their addictive ritual.They feel deprived of sex, even rejected by the women they look at and this paves the way for them to escape into their other sexually addictive behaviors such as internet porn. As I discussed in a prior post it may not be possible for most of us to tune out sexy women.When he couldn’t stop looking at another woman in a restaurant on his honeymoon it was a wake up call for his wife (and him).The three second rule Sex addicts in recovery are told to follow the three second rule, meaning that although you can’t help glancing at or noticing someone, you can give yourself three seconds to stop looking.
Many sex addicts complain that they are helpless because there are just so many sexy women around and they can’t help looking at them.Many wives and partners of sex addicts complain of their partner ogling other women.A man who can’t help staring at other women may be just a rude guy or his ogling may be part of a pattern of sexually compulsive behavior.And yet ogling can feed an addiction by adding to what some sex addicts call their “data base” of sexual imagery that they can call up at a later time to use for masturbation or even during sex.It can feed what is essentially a stash of mental pornography even if they have been successful in giving up an actual pornography addiction.